The digital phallus that destroyed Manhattan...literally...

I should take a second to warn any perspective readers that full frontal male nudity is being discussed in the lines below where your eyes are now resting. There are no pictures, but there may be vocabulary you find offensive. If discussions of male nakedness and use of the terms required therein offend you, perhaps it would be best to sail away right now...rejoin us here at the hideaway tomorrow when we will discuss topics of a much less dangerous nature...like global thermonuclear war...or the Care Bears...

My beautiful wife left me this weekend.

On Saturday she went away for an overnight with some friends. When the cat's away, the mice will play so myself and a few friends decided to relive the college years by going to a movie, grabbing some horrible WaWa food afterward, and playing video games into the wee (Wii) hours of the morning.

The movie we chose to see was Watchmen, a movie I had been looking forward to seeing for several months. I was never a hugely devoted follower of the graphic novel. I was aware of the story but did not pick it up and read it until two months ago in anticipation of the movie. I enjoyed the graphic novel. It is truly deserving of all the accolades that have been showered upon it over the years and quite literally gave me the always enjoyed 'can't put it down' syndrome that all good stories do. So I came at the movie as an admirer of the book, not necessarily a devoted disciple, but an admirer to be sure.

I tremendously enjoyed the movie. I am not a movie reviewer kind of guy (although I will say that my biggest complaint about the movie was the "acting" of Malin Akerman, who looks beautiful both in and out of her costume, but whose acting was about as inspired as a kitchen chair sitting in the middle of an empty room) so I am not going to write a review of the movie. There are thousands of folks currently taking up space on the net doing that. I have read forty or so of these reviews as I prepared to write this post and I know I just scratched the surface of the the Internet love orgy/hate fest that has been born out of seeing and then reviewing this movie.

My fascination is with every one's fascination with Dr. Manhattan's digitally created phallus. FIVE people I have talked to since seeing it have asked me the same question first. "So what was up with the blue guy's unit that I have heard so much about?" Not a question about the plot, the special effects, the violence...

No.

They wanted to know about the digital dong.

And my experience is not unique. Google (you might wanna put safe search on first) the phrase "Dr. Manhattan's __________" (in the blank, place any synonym for the male anatomy that you prefer). You will be directed to hundreds of people (yours truly included in that list too I guess) discussing the merits and size and shape and color of a fictional super hero's 'little hero'.

It flummoxes me, the degree of attention this is getting. As I said earlier, I have read my way through forty or so movie reviews today for Watchmen and found only THREE that make no mention of Dr. Manhattan's lack of clothes. It is a central detail in most of the other reviews. Some are quite colorful and frankly, quite entertaining. Two of my personal favorites refer to it as "Dr. Manhattan's stimulus package" and his "Lower Manhattan".

(Come on...be honest...those made you at least smile...)

What is the big deal? In a movie more soaked in blood than an abattoir floor, steeped in more on screen violence than a Martin Scorsese movie night, and containing a no holds barred sex scene between two superheroes suspended high above the city streets, why is the occasional screen shot of a digitally created man's member the hot topic? It's not like they were showcasing the thing in the movie. To read some of these reviews and discussions you would think the director himself pops into shot, gaping at the appendage, pointing and gesturing to get your attention to make sure you don't miss it. Many shots of Dr. Manhattan are taken from the navel up. In others, such as when he is vaporizing Vietnamese guerrillas with the efficiency of a Hoover Shop-Vac, he has created a sort of Manhattan Speedo that covers the offending body part. On two occasions he even wears a well tailored black suit. But when he is amongst friends, Dr. Manhattan certainly likes to go commando and on many of those occasions the camera takes us north instead of south. There are no close ups, no "unnecessary zooms". Just a super dude with the power to create life...but not nice blue boxers.

Walking around like a pantsed smurf not realizing he has lost his little white pants.

Contextually speaking, Dr. Manhattan's nakedness is just further evidence of his disassociation with his humanity. He only covers up when asked to do so. To him details such as nakedness are as inconsequential as forgetting to provide a way for Laurie to breathe when they arrive on the Martian surface together. It makes sense in the context of the story. It fits. But I have had two people tell me flat out that the full frontal digital male nudity is why they will not go see the movie.

Many people believe, as I do, that our 'naughty bits' are to be reserved for the sole viewing pleasure of our spouses and ourselves. Some take that a step further and say that movies that proudly display people violating that tenet are to be avoided at all cost. I get that and I respect their opinion. I myself won't go see a movie simply because there is nudity but if it occurs, it doesn't shatter my world, so long as it is relevant to the narrative and not nudity for it's own sake.

But to refuse to see a movie because of full frontal male nudity, and be OK with the full frontal female nudity smacks of hypocrisy. Or maybe it is a fear of catching 'gayness' through a movie screen, like some viral plague. I am not sure what it is and I don't understand the double standard. Where are the jokes about the Silk Specter's anatomy? The embarrassed giggles and averted eyes? I will save you the time...there aren't any. Why not?

I find it utterly fascinating.

I would be interested to know what you think. Please feel free to comment here on the blog, toss in your two cents. Just click on the word comment below. I would love to get a lively discussion going here about this.