Friday Top Ten, ZOMBIES, and a TWOfer Weekend Question

Deepest of deep apologies to my six readers for abandoning the Friday Top Ten last week. The Sprout's grandmother stole her away on Friday afternoon so the wife and I found ourselves ALONE on a Friday night and you KNOW what that means...

...asleep in bed by nine sharp.

Saturday was NCAA tourney time and Sunday was Opening Night for baseball. So as you can see, between zombie like sleep, intense basketball, and the Chinese Water Torture that is Phillies baseball in April...there was no blogging.

Please forward all complaints to management.

You'll have to speak up...I'm a trifle deaf in this ear.

Onto this week's list...

10. 100 Ways to Kill a Peep. For morbid creativity, and let's face it, that's the best kind, this blog gets a 10! My favorite has to be the peep who overdosed on smarties. The Easter candy aisle will never be the same...

9. If you happen to be of the law breaking persuasion, do not move to Tampa or your attractive mug could wind up here. I love how the disclaimer states that the discerning web surfer (or possible future employer) who happens upon their site should "...not rely on this site to determine any person's actual criminal record." Because guilty until proven innocent is the FIRST THING I thought of as I looked at those pictures...

I am not sure if I agree with this practice or not. Any thoughts are encouraged to be shared in the COMMENTS section.

8. Congratulations UNC! Out of four brackets that I completed this year, I took home top prize in TWO and placed second in a third. I have to personally thank Missouri, Villanova, and of course the national champs for helping me smack down so many close friends and co workers.

Brett...where is my cash prize?!?

7. Apparently Captain Jack Sparrow is alive and well and causing a ruckus with automatic weapons off the coast of Somalia.

Pirates?!?

The only thing I expect to read about piracy these days involves China and American movies...not real life pirates sailing the seven seas like high tech Blackbeards.

Making mental note to skip the Somali Parasailing Olympics this year...

6. Karl Rove and Vice President Biden were sniping at each other this week. Or rather I should say Biden was being Biden (come on...we all know he is the fisherman in the group who always talks about the fish he caught that was 'THIS BIG') and Karl Rove (honestly...why do people even care what this guy thinks anymore) was stating the obvious with the bitterness of a fifteen year old girl who didn't get a date for the Spring Dance.

In interviews next week expect to see the exchange of 'your momma' jokes followed up with eye poking and cream pie throwing.

5. So Obama has hired Kumar. I am not sure what the 'White House Office of Public Liaison' is exactly, but Kumar has laid aside his acting clothes for some political ones. Hey don't get me wrong, I love the fact that we live in a country where we can be actively involved in politics as much or as little as we choose. Kumar (Kal Penn) felt this was an important thing to do and I respect the man's civic mindedness for walking away from all that money to serve his government full time.

But part of me has to wonder if the suicide his character commits on the television show HOUSE is also a metaphor for the rest of his acting career...

4. Baseball season has started. The Phillies have kicked off their World Series title defense in much the same way they kick off every season...getting scored on more times than a blind ice hockey goalie.

I know...I know...I should be used to it.

I know...I know...its a LONG season and we are only four games in.

I know...I know...We always battle back.

All of this I know. But watching Cole Hamels get roughed up like Tony Romo in any game played in the month of December hurts.

Would somebody PLEASE make May get here...FAST?!?

3. Why has no other celebrity ever thought to use this defense when hounded by the mindless paparazzo and their instruments of torture?

I love zombies as much as the next guy.

I am currently reading Breathers, a zombie love story. (Finally...a book that answers the question...exactly what part of a person should I serve to my Zombie girlfriend on our first date and what wine should we have with the meal)

I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. (Finally...an Elizabeth I can get on board with)

Zombies are the new Vampires. I get that. (Finally...undead that are not as brooding and sexually confused as Anne Rice's...and not as Emo and mind staggeringly DULL as Stephenie Myer's)

But Woody...seriously...what zombies do you know that can operate a telephoto lens?

2. Wow. Divorce by text. What do you think that one looked like?

HEY WF. BN THINKIN. SUX I KNW BUT MRRGE IZ OUTTY.

I DVRC U.

I DVRC U.

I DVRC U.

LOLZ. I KNOW U THINK IM ROFLING.

TOTLLY SERUS.

TTYL XWIFE

(LOL)

Not a big market for divorce lawyers in Saudi Arabia I guess...

1. Want to rent Bill Clinton for a day? Come on...help Hillary with her massive presidential campaign debt and get a fun filled NYC adventure with the man HIMSELF.

I don't think I need to comment any more. Some things just write themselves.

Except to say what do you think the odds are that Bill is hoping for veto rights over any winner that is not a 20-40 year old woman with loose morals?


WEEKEND QUESTION - A TWOFER!!

I had two really good candidates for the weekend question and couldn't decide on a winner so I decided to post both. Feel free to answer one or both in the COMMENTS section below. SInce this is Easter weekend I will be extending the contest for the amazing prizes until Monday at 5.


1. What classic movie or novel would you like to see livened up by the introduction of a zombie infestation into the plot? Why?


2. If you were to be the lucky winner of the date with Bill Clinton...what would YOU do?


If you get any joy from my silly little blog, please share with others using the ADD THIS or TWEET THIS button below. My self worth as a male is tied directly to the number of hits the blog gets. Yeah...I know...it is sad, pathetic, and weak...but such is life with me.