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Yesterday afternoon, as I was putting the finishing touches on what was sure to be the most inspiring, life altering, moving post in Fatherhood Friday history, a horrible tragedy occurred. My laptop burped, hiccuped, froze, gasped...then spat the dreaded BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH at me. Ordinarily I rather enjoy the color blue. But the particular shade of blue that Microsoft chose to use for the BSOD is truly frightening, a color that must be mixed and created in the bowels of hell itself, somewhere around the 8th or 9th circle most likely, where Satan does most of his creative work.
After much weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth (and that was just the calls to Dell Support!) I took my beloved laptop to a local wizard, with the hope that he will have her healed and once again back in my loving embrace.
Needless to say, the article for today's FF is floating somewhere in the 1st circle of hell, awaiting deliverance. Until I can make that magic happen I offer a post I wrote back in March about a conversation between myself, The Wife, and The Peanut during a morning commute.
I hope you enjoy and, if you get a chance, light a candle for my laptop.
Daylight Savings Time...With Bibles...
Making our way along the hallowed asphalt of I-95 on the 40 minute commute this morning, the wife and I were having a discussion concerning daylight savings time. Had you been a fly on the window, you would have been witness to a conversation that went something a little like this...
Wife:
Me: Hrmm. (While driving and Twittering on the phone at the same time...an activity I do not recommend)
Wife: I said I am really super tired this morning. Almost painfully so.
Me: (Putting the phone down and concentrating on the road before I mistakenly plunge the three of us into a fiery death) Why is that?
Wife: Well the clock right now says that it is 7:00, but the internal clock in my body is telling me it is really 6:00 because of the time change. So...I'm tired.
Me: (Pausing to digest the comment) That's crazy.
Wife: No it's not actually. It takes the body several days to adjust to the change of time when daylight savings time occurs. It's true, I saw it on Oprah once.
The phone beeps. I pick it up, new Tweets coming in. Swerve to miss car in front of me that was driving too slow. Heart rate increases. Resist urge to toss an offensive finger gesture to little old lady driving the Pinto I almost rear ended. Put phone back down, resolving not to pick it up again while behind the wheel.
Me: (slightly out of breath from my racing heart) That's silly. The clock said 10:00 when you fell asleep (You read correctly...10:00...I know, right?) and 5:30 when you woke up...as always.
Wife: Yeah but that was really going to sleep at 9:00 and getting up at 4:30.
Me: (Pausing once again while I try to get my head around this logic) But...it's still the same amount of time.
Wife: No...its not...its an hour earlier.
Me: But...its still the same amount of time.
At this point The Peanut, sitting in the booster seat in the back, breaks out in a rousing chorus of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds. I can't make this stuff up. Not sure if it borders on broadening my daughter's horizons or bad parenting that she likes the Beatles...but it is the truth.
Me: Sweety, please sing a song that is not about mind altering drugs...we will be at preschool soon.
(REALLY don't want that call)
The Peanut ignores me and continues her Beatles tribute. I guess there are worse things...
Wife: It is not the same because my body -- Peanut, sweetheart...it's diamonds, not bibles -- because my body is used to the time the way it was, not the way it is now.
Me: (At this point feeling like I have taken LSD myself) WHAT? Whatever time the clock tells you, that is what time it IS. I went to sleep at 12:18...got up at 6:05...that six hours felt like the six hours all the weeks before it. I don't understand this metaphysical trickery you are talking about.
Peanut: Mommy...why does Lucy like diamonds? Are they like the diamonds you have on your ring?
Wife: Yes sweety...Lucy just likes expensive jewelry. Honey, I really think more people would agree with me on this than they would with you.
Me: No way. Maybe it is a male/female thing. Most guys I know don't walk around whining about their "internal clocks" being messed up because of daylight savings time.
Wife: That's because most men aren't smart enough to bother to read their internal clocks. Trust me...all normal people struggle with this when the time changes.
Peanut: Lucy in the sky with bibles...Lucy in the sky with bibles...
As you can see, our morning commutes are quite interesting.
I would like to pose our morning's debate question to my 6 blog readers out there. Which side of the fence do you live on?
Are you in my camp where the clock says what it says and you don't need to rely on tricky, mind/time bending excuses for why your body feels off?
Or are you in my wife's camp, where your "internal clock" takes days or weeks to reset because it is now confused. (No wonder women can't program VCRs)
If you feel so inclined...drop me your opinion (along with any other comments or backyard BBQ recipes) in the comments section here.
And, if you feel further inclined, subscribe to the feed here at the Hideaway. I LOVE my 6 readers...but there is always room for more!
