Death gets a facelift, compliments of Rell the Cyclops

The other day I was watching a nostalgically wonderful yet modernly painful science fiction film from the early eighties called Krull. Bright blue laser effects, rubber monster masks, campy acting...all the true hallmarks of 1980s sci-fi. One of the characters in Krull is a cyclops named...wait for it... Rell the Cyclops. (Good thing that name worked out)

In the film we discover that Rell's people have a rather unique problem. They have been cursed and now live with the foreknowledge of the time and manner in which they will die. They live their entire lives with this knowledge. If they take special steps to avoid their predetermined death, they then die in excruciating pain.

In the film Rell says "Long ago, the Cyclops lived on a world far from Krull and had two eyes. Then they made a bargain with the Beast (the resident BAD GUY of the movie), giving up one eye in return for the power to see the future. But they were cheated. The only future they were allowed to see was the day and manner of their own death."

If you can't trust a guy named "The Beast" then who can you trust?

So if you are a Cyclops in this world, you are born with this knowledge. That must suck.

Or does it? Think about it for a second. Would it really be a bad thing for us to know the day and hour of our death? A loaf of bread gets an expiration date...why not us?

It is a great question.

Let's say one day God offered you the chance to know the day you would die. He is not trying to trick or deceive you like the Beast in Krull, just showing up on some random Saturday morning to offer you the chance to know your own personal expiration date. Would you take him up on the offer?

As for me, I would definitely like to know. Absolutely. Allow me to explain...

The first and most obvious benefit to knowing the time of your death would be to relieve you of the worry of the mystery of it. We all know death is coming for us. It's out there...trouble...and in our road (Thanks Roland). Problem is the road is dark. We know it's there but can't tell where it is. Are we close? Far away? I for one would like to know. It's a pretty big hole, one I don't want to fall into unless I know it is right there in front of me.

Tim McGraw sings the song 'Live Like You Were Dying'. The idea behind it is that if you know you are dying, I'm talking know for sure it is definitely coming soon kind of dying, you will live without fear, take risks you ordinarily wouldn't take. Maybe you have seen the movie Bucket List about two terminal cancer patients who drop their lives and, with the help of a bottomless bank account, set off to do the things they had always put off like travel, sky diving...whatever. Stonewall Jackson, the famous civil war general was a man of deep faith. In response to a question about his legendary courage in battle he replied "Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me." It is a wonderful sentiment, one I think many wish they could attain...yet the knowledge of our ultimate mortality keeps many of us living in the realm of passive calm instead of dangerous adventure. If we KNEW for certain when we were going to have our ticket punched, how many more of us could live life "like we were dying"? I can hear some muttering that that kind of attitude would lead to reckless and destructive behavior. I guess that is a possibility, but I am not postulating that by knowing the hour of our death that we become impervious to pain or discomfort. I am not seeking to put the health care industry out of business and turn us all into supermen. Your bones will still break, your head will still fracture...you will just know beforehand if you are going to make it or not.

We love to celebrate significant milestones in our lives. Birthdays, anniversaries, graduations...imagine the extra possibilities that would open up if we suddenly knew the departure date for our shuffle off the mortal coil. I give you the Death Day Party. If you know you are going to be checking out...why not check out with a bang? Surround yourself with family and friends, eat, drink...be merry! For sometime that day...you die! Celebrate it! Memorial services after a death always celebrate the life of the deceased. What if you could do this BEFORE your reservation in the dirt motel? It could be like New Years Eve...instead of a ball made of gleaming crystal that descends to mark the passing of another year, you could make it a tombstone. Friends and family could surround you, count down in giddy excitement. What a fun way to go! With all apologies to Mike and the Mechanics, the Death Day Party would be the perfect place to make sure you don't leave things unsaid with people.

Morose songs like 'In the Living Years' would become irrelevant. Hey Mike (the Mechanics too) you knew your father was going to die. He invited you to his Death Day Party...but you wanted to go to Dave and Buster's instead. Well tough tombstones for you buddy...you had your chance. Go sing your sad song to someone else.

Hallmark would leap right in, I am sure, with a complete line of Death Day greeting cards. They would fill the gamut of Deathly situations in the manner that only Hallmark can. Funny cards, serious cards, religious cards...even the cheapo ones with just a picture on the outside that is blank on the inside. And unlike some divisions of cards, like Christmas, Hanukkah, or Arbor Day...Death Day would be the ONE occasion we ALL would have in common, regardless of religious or racial lines. There would always be someone shopping for a Death Day card. This would make my mother-in-law, the woman who keeps Hallmark in the black, very happy. For her, another occasion to buy greeting cards is what winning the lottery would be for the rest of us.

What if you get stuck with a co-worker or a boss that you absolutely can't stand? Before you go through the hassle of finding a new job, ask them when they are going to kick it. Would be nice to know because if it were to happen in the near future you could put up with whatever you have to until the day that person's final bill arrives. You could even buy them a "Glad you are shoving off" card from Hallmark.

Knowing the time of your demise would give you time to prepare, to get your house in order. You could reserve a favorite minister or funeral site YEARS in advance to ensure you get it. Line up that favorite band to play at your funeral. If the family wants to plan a summer vacation which falls on the week of your big day you can warn them to consider another week. No more embarrassing heart attacks at work or on the train. Imagine the joy of calling your boss on the morning of the big day and calling in dead...or at least calling in soon to be dead.

Knowing the day of your death would effect the airline industry I suppose. Who would dare to fly when they know it is their day? Unless that kind of thing excites you, I have to assume that most folks would avoid that situation. Actually, come to think of it, I suppose this foreknowledge would lead to a rise in really weird deaths. Unless you are the flamboyant, spotlight craving type, I would imagine you would stay close to home on your last day. Deaths at home would skyrocket. Electrocution, shed collapse, exploding dishwasher...at least it would make for interesting obituary reading.

That's another reason I would want to know the time of my death. My obituary. I don't want to have my grieving family to have to write it. How much better would Obits become if they were actually autobiographical? No one embellishes the details of our lives better then we do. You could even make your Obit a four part serial, with the last installment appearing on the day you cease to be.

Knowing the date and time of your death? I am all for it. Beer gets a born on date. Why can't we have an expiration date? I think a little countdown timer, maybe in our scalp or on a thigh, is an excellent idea.

Not that God is looking to me for advice...

What do you think? Take it to the comments section below. If you were offered the chance...would you want to know?