Grooming Future Scribblers or Kids, Writing Doesn't HAVE to Suck!

I have been a devoted fan of writing since my heady days in the third and fourth grades when a few friends and I took pencil to paper to create our own (illustrated!) series of Choose Your Own Adventure stories and Doctor Who fan fiction (chicks dug us...HARD). It is an activity I have continued to enjoy (and even make an infinitesimal amount of money at) ever since.

Because of this long lasting affection for the written word, I take particular joy in the teaching of writing to my class of fifth graders. They come to me in late August, almost always completely united in their collective hatred of the craft I myself enjoy so much. If given a choice between writing a page long story or having a few cavities filled, many of them would gladly pull up the dentist chair, attach the little blue drool-bib themselves, and open wide.

With the fervent desire of the rabidly fundamentalist, I see it as my duty to change as many of these minds as I can over the course of the school year. To get my students to see writing not as some brutal holdover from the medieval torture chamber days, but as a worthwhile, artistic (they don't call it language ARTS for no reason), and dare I even suggest it, FUN, way to express themselves.

While the task may sound Herculean, it is not always so. The biggest hurdle to overcome is front loading the basics of grammar, form, and structure for the students. I cover these, and constantly review them over the course of the year, but the main thing I try to impart to the kids is a love for the ART that is writing. We work a great deal on figurative language, of infusing life into dead sentences with shots of adjectives, vivid verbs and specific nouns. We practice using sensory imagery, analogies and hyperbole. We experiment with different forms of narrative and even poetry.

Some years there is large buy in from the class. Other years they fight it tooth and nail. A particular group of kids has its own personality, dynamic and interests. Classes from year to year are as diverse and unique as the prints on your fingertips.

This year's group has really taken off with their writing. Around October, when I read them the short story The Monkey's Paw and then had them craft their own suspense tales, they have really begun to flourish. Their most recent task was to write a fictional account of a colossally bad day. It had to cover an entire day, from waking to sleeping, and it had to be totally made up. I told them they could use real events if they wanted but I really wanted them to go for fiction. Check out some of the awesome sentences that have come to be in these pieces.

Remember...these are regular fifth grade writers. Any names you see have of course been changed.

"I dragged myself up the rough, cold, wooden steps, through the wide hallway and into my crammed room." (Everything I am looking for in this sentence.)

"When Sam tumbled out of bed on a cold, dreary Tuesday he slipped on his skateboard and fell on his head. It started to bruise right away and he just knew what kind of day it was going to turn out to be." (How great is this opening?)

"When I walked into the living room my dog looked very proud of himself. I noticed my math book and my coloring book on the ground, ripped into a million pieces." (This sentence gives me a GREAT mental image. Can't you just see the smug expression on the dog's face?)

"The Pitbull bit off his new shoes, ate and then spit them out like a furry paper shredder." ("Furry Paper Shredder. How awesome is that?)

"I flew to my room and screamed, "I WANNA GO TO AUSTRALIA!" so loud I think Pluto heard me and blew up because the next morning on the news it said that Pluto wasn't a planet anymore." (I love this...absolutely love it. The Pluto news is FIVE YEARS OLD! I have no idea where this come from but it is AWESOME!)

"While we were there, three humongous eighth graders stole our phones and our money and beat us up. After they left, we looked like broken toys." (Most of us have been there. Would that we could have channeled the fighting spirit of Ralphie Parker when faced with our own Scut Farkas.)

"I had a very horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day! It was the worst day of my life! It was so tragic that I would rather live in Afghanistan with a battle going on then go through it again." (wow...deep)

"Then I went back downstairs and my cousin was cackling like a donkey all morning because she saw me trip over my own feet." (I have never actually heard a donkey cackle, but I applaud the effort!)

"I tried to get to the bathroom to wash my eyes out but I tripped on my skateboard and landed in a puddle of dog vomit. It was still warm and had the chicken in it from last night." (Over the top gross...but descriptive, which WAS the goal)

"After Melvin released his foot from the puddle of duck poo, which felt a lot like warm pudding, he went to the bathroom to wash his feet." (Again...gross...but descriptive)

"The teacher walked up to me, giving me the stinkeye." (Any sentence that correctly uses stinkeye earns automatic kudos)

"She started to scream at me again. I wish all adults would talk they way they do in the Charlie Brown cartoons." (Waaa..Wuh Wuh Waaah...Waaaaaaah)

"One day Hans woke up in his bunk bed as usual. He was on the bottom bunk and his younger brother had taken the top. He woke up to something dripping on his face from the mattress above. It smelled like asparagus. It was YELLOW! IT WAS PEE!!!!!!!" (You have to love fifth grade boys. I preserved the original writing's caps and excessive use of exclamation points because they render the whole scene that much funnier to me. You can hear the narrator's voice rising as he realizes what is happening. Priceless.)

The last four examples are included not because they are exceptionally descriptive, but because they made me laugh out loud when I read them. The best part of teaching writing is reading gems like these...

"At the end of the school day I had loud, horrid, stinky gas. I DISGUSTED myself!" (If you are thinking a boy wrote that, you are incorrect)

"While I was tumbling down the stairs I noticed that my dog had bitten a hole in my shoe." (I love the visual this sentence gives me)

"I put my dollar in the snack machine but nothing came out so I shoved my hand into the machine. It got STUCK! Mr. H went and got all the other teachers to come laugh at me." (I love when I make cameos in student writing. And she knows this is EXACTLY something that I would do...)

"I put on some new clothes and went over to my friend Arthur's house. When I got there I knocked on the door and his dad let me in. There was McDonalds trash everywhere on the floor! That kid eats McDonalds every day because his dad is too lazy to cook!" (Really praying that this is a fictionalized detail)

I saved the best for last. These last two lines were the close of an excellently funny and descriptive piece. They are my favorite not just because they were a superb way to end the piece, but they show a clever sense of humor that far exceeds its ten years of experience on this earth.

"Two days later his father sued my parents for everything they have. And he WON! Me and my family lived on the cold street for two days until I wrote this brilliant story and became a millionaire! The end."

I hope you enjoyed reading these gems as much as I did. Drop me a comment, let me know what your favorite one is. Looking forward to seeing what you pick!