Guys, Are We Brave Enough to be Real Husbands?

The Internet is an amazing thing. Scary, dangerous, and a time suck of epic proportions (thanks for nothing Al Gore), but for the most part it is the best thing since sliced bread. Back in June I picked my old blog up off the floor where it had sat, abandoned, for almost a year. I dusted her off, pulling off two old gummy bears and some stringy spider webs and began to once again spend my evenings listening to the voices in my head and writing down what they tell me.

Through the site Dad-Blogs and later the hashtag #DadsTalking on Twitter I have met some really outstanding dads. Men who write amazing things about the awesome privilege we have been given that we should be called dad. Many of these fine, upstanding gentleman are listed in my blog roll under the Awesome Parent Blogs section and I am adding more daily. When you are finished here, jump over there and check some of these guys out. You will not consider your time wasted.

Today on Twitter @TedRubin linked to a post from early July by one of those dad bloggers, @DadStreet. It was a great post about how a guy's priorities shift when he becomes a father from "Am I a MANLY MAN?" to "Am I a GOOD DAD?". It is an awesome post that you can find by clicking here. Go ahead and read it. No, really...I'll wait here for you. I have a good book to read and a nice glass of Sebeka to drink...I will be here when you finish.

Welcome back. See, I told you it was a good post. I read it earlier today and it got me thinking about the importance of our role on Earth as fathers. I could only think of one other role that I think is just as important and that is our role as husbands (for those to whom that classification applies). So, in the spirit of Dad Street, I decided to make my own list.

A list about what it means to be a "Real Husband". Here goes...

- After your wife has had a rough day, taking her shoes off and rubbing her feet, WITHOUT having to be asked to do so.

- Being a considerate person and doing the little things, like leaving the toilet seat down. It seems like such a small thing to us guys but if you do it on a consistent basis it shows how considerate you are. Let's face it. What guy really cares if the seat is up OR down?

- Actually picking up a pen or pencil and writing notes to your wife, they way you did in the beginning. It doesn't even have to be anything elaborate or verbose. Simple declarations of your love will work just fine, a reminder about how amazing she is as a mother. A Post It note left on the bathroom mirror, a note slipped into her lunch, a mailed letter, from you. All expressions that show you care enough to invest time in letting your wife know how crazy you are about her.

- Buying your wife some flowers or something nice, not because you screwed up, but because you want her to know how thankful you are that she settled for a shlub like you and that you still see everyday how incredible she is.

- Opening the car door for her. I know it's not 1950, but if you did it when you were dating or trying to impress, then you damn well should still do it now.

- Watching something on TV she asks you to watch, even if it seems to you like you would rather see the TV exploded at the bottom of a quarry in flames rather than sit and watch it. You don't have to tell your buddies that you watched the Beverly Hills 90210 Reunion Special last night. Don't ask, don't tell applies here. (The one exception to this rule is reality television. Shows like Jersey Shore or Real Housewives should not be watched under any circumstance)

- Helping with your share of the household chores. Laundry, vacuuming, cooking. You live there...pull your weight.

- Telling her you love her before she reminds you to say it by telling you.

- Encouraging her to go out with her girlfriends for some girl time more than once a year. Come on dad, you can take care of the kids without the house blowing up. Don't buy the crap the media sells you about fathers being simple minded buffoons who can't do something as simple as watch over their own offspring. Hollywood thinks it's funny. I don't.

- Being there and wanting to be there. There's nothing wrong with going out with your buddies from time to time, but if you are out every weekend, or several nights a week and you leave her home with the kids, what kind of message are you sending about your priorities? Both to her AND to your children...

- Making time to go out on dates, just the two of you. I know the phrase "date night" has become a bit of a cliche, but the idea behind it is still important. And don't leave all the arrangements to her. You are an intelligent guy. You can arrange the babysitting and make the reservations. In the meat grinder that is life, it is important to make the time to be alone.

- Realizing that there is more to foreplay than asking "Hey, you ready yet?" Just saying...

- Not going to bed angry or with unresolved issues between each other. The Bible says it nicely when it advises "not to let the sun go down on your anger." Really...life is too short and too unpredictable to have unresolved issues between yourselves.

- Listening to her, instead of trying to solve all of her concerns with a snap of your magic man fingers so you can go back  to what's on the television. Sometimes, all she wants is someone to listen.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. And by no means am I trying to imply by publishing it that I am the Mount Everest of husbands because I do all these things on a regular basis. I do not, just ask The Wife and, after she stops laughing, she will fill you in.

But it is a list I want to strive to adhere to, much as @DadStreet's list is one I strive to adhere to.

Any dads reading this, please add any points you feel I left out (there are hundreds) in the comment section below. I would be interested to see what kind of list we could all collaborate and produce.

Men, the two greatest treasures we are given in this life are our spouse and our children. We should be willing to fight our way through hell and back to ensure that they know just how precious they really are to us.