Friday Top Ten, ZOMBIES, and a TWOfer Weekend Question

Deepest of deep apologies to my six readers for abandoning the Friday Top Ten last week. The Sprout's grandmother stole her away on Friday afternoon so the wife and I found ourselves ALONE on a Friday night and you KNOW what that means...

...asleep in bed by nine sharp.

Saturday was NCAA tourney time and Sunday was Opening Night for baseball. So as you can see, between zombie like sleep, intense basketball, and the Chinese Water Torture that is Phillies baseball in April...there was no blogging.

Please forward all complaints to management.

You'll have to speak up...I'm a trifle deaf in this ear.

Onto this week's list...

10. 100 Ways to Kill a Peep. For morbid creativity, and let's face it, that's the best kind, this blog gets a 10! My favorite has to be the peep who overdosed on smarties. The Easter candy aisle will never be the same...

9. If you happen to be of the law breaking persuasion, do not move to Tampa or your attractive mug could wind up here. I love how the disclaimer states that the discerning web surfer (or possible future employer) who happens upon their site should "...not rely on this site to determine any person's actual criminal record." Because guilty until proven innocent is the FIRST THING I thought of as I looked at those pictures...

I am not sure if I agree with this practice or not. Any thoughts are encouraged to be shared in the COMMENTS section.

8. Congratulations UNC! Out of four brackets that I completed this year, I took home top prize in TWO and placed second in a third. I have to personally thank Missouri, Villanova, and of course the national champs for helping me smack down so many close friends and co workers.

Brett...where is my cash prize?!?

7. Apparently Captain Jack Sparrow is alive and well and causing a ruckus with automatic weapons off the coast of Somalia.

Pirates?!?

The only thing I expect to read about piracy these days involves China and American movies...not real life pirates sailing the seven seas like high tech Blackbeards.

Making mental note to skip the Somali Parasailing Olympics this year...

6. Karl Rove and Vice President Biden were sniping at each other this week. Or rather I should say Biden was being Biden (come on...we all know he is the fisherman in the group who always talks about the fish he caught that was 'THIS BIG') and Karl Rove (honestly...why do people even care what this guy thinks anymore) was stating the obvious with the bitterness of a fifteen year old girl who didn't get a date for the Spring Dance.

In interviews next week expect to see the exchange of 'your momma' jokes followed up with eye poking and cream pie throwing.

5. So Obama has hired Kumar. I am not sure what the 'White House Office of Public Liaison' is exactly, but Kumar has laid aside his acting clothes for some political ones. Hey don't get me wrong, I love the fact that we live in a country where we can be actively involved in politics as much or as little as we choose. Kumar (Kal Penn) felt this was an important thing to do and I respect the man's civic mindedness for walking away from all that money to serve his government full time.

But part of me has to wonder if the suicide his character commits on the television show HOUSE is also a metaphor for the rest of his acting career...

4. Baseball season has started. The Phillies have kicked off their World Series title defense in much the same way they kick off every season...getting scored on more times than a blind ice hockey goalie.

I know...I know...I should be used to it.

I know...I know...its a LONG season and we are only four games in.

I know...I know...We always battle back.

All of this I know. But watching Cole Hamels get roughed up like Tony Romo in any game played in the month of December hurts.

Would somebody PLEASE make May get here...FAST?!?

3. Why has no other celebrity ever thought to use this defense when hounded by the mindless paparazzo and their instruments of torture?

I love zombies as much as the next guy.

I am currently reading Breathers, a zombie love story. (Finally...a book that answers the question...exactly what part of a person should I serve to my Zombie girlfriend on our first date and what wine should we have with the meal)

I can't wait to get my hands on a copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. (Finally...an Elizabeth I can get on board with)

Zombies are the new Vampires. I get that. (Finally...undead that are not as brooding and sexually confused as Anne Rice's...and not as Emo and mind staggeringly DULL as Stephenie Myer's)

But Woody...seriously...what zombies do you know that can operate a telephoto lens?

2. Wow. Divorce by text. What do you think that one looked like?

HEY WF. BN THINKIN. SUX I KNW BUT MRRGE IZ OUTTY.

I DVRC U.

I DVRC U.

I DVRC U.

LOLZ. I KNOW U THINK IM ROFLING.

TOTLLY SERUS.

TTYL XWIFE

(LOL)

Not a big market for divorce lawyers in Saudi Arabia I guess...

1. Want to rent Bill Clinton for a day? Come on...help Hillary with her massive presidential campaign debt and get a fun filled NYC adventure with the man HIMSELF.

I don't think I need to comment any more. Some things just write themselves.

Except to say what do you think the odds are that Bill is hoping for veto rights over any winner that is not a 20-40 year old woman with loose morals?


WEEKEND QUESTION - A TWOFER!!

I had two really good candidates for the weekend question and couldn't decide on a winner so I decided to post both. Feel free to answer one or both in the COMMENTS section below. SInce this is Easter weekend I will be extending the contest for the amazing prizes until Monday at 5.


1. What classic movie or novel would you like to see livened up by the introduction of a zombie infestation into the plot? Why?


2. If you were to be the lucky winner of the date with Bill Clinton...what would YOU do?


If you get any joy from my silly little blog, please share with others using the ADD THIS or TWEET THIS button below. My self worth as a male is tied directly to the number of hits the blog gets. Yeah...I know...it is sad, pathetic, and weak...but such is life with me.

Friday Top Ten...and a much better Weekend Question.

Another week has passed. I am still here and still relatively healthy and free from prison so I can be thankful for that.

Friday Top Ten time...

10. I swore to myself that in writing this week's list that I would not dwell on this point too much. I have asked my wife to grab my eyelid and pull it down to my chin if she walks by and I am still dwelling on number ten...so I will try not to digress. Can someone please explain to me why Davey Johnson started Derek Jeter at shortstop and used Jimmy Rollins as DH in the semi-final game of the World Baseball Classic against Japan? Jeter produces more errors than an old man's colon produces polyps. Rollins is a rock, the best defensive shortstop, and quite possibly the best overall shortstop, in baseball today.

You wanna debate that?

That's what the comments section is for. Bring it.

But you will lose...especially if you try to make me laugh by suggesting Reyes is superior to Rollins...

Jeter hit .276 for the series...Rollins hit .417. Jeter was creating errors like they were concert curtain calls...Rollins was flawless. Jeter created the error that arguably lost them the game and went 1-5...Rollins went 4-4. Why was old man Jeter even IN this game? In fact...

OK...wife walked by...performed requested task...that REALLY hurt...

Moving on...

9. March Madness update. Thanks to the double punch of Missouri and Villanova I moved from the middle of the pack to second place last night. Great news really...until you hear that the wife is in first. Life around the hideaway has been rough. I am watching Arizona and Syracuse getting abused right now like an assistant director walking into Christian Bale's shot. I don't see myself sitting in second place much longer.

8. Ryan Moats needs to sue himself some Dallas police officers. This is simply unbelievable. This cop is either a careless jackass or a prodigious bigot. Either label is not one I would want to be saddled with. I don't see any defense for this "police officer". It is ass clowns like this guy who give decent, hard working police officers a bad name.

7. A Three Stooges movie? Apparently. Jim Carrey as Curly? Uhhh...

6. Fitty-Cent's twitter account is not really him. Dang. The source of my daily inspiration has been nothing more than a 140 character per post lie.

My plans of starting a Clint Howard fake me out Twitter account are now dashed...

5. President Obama had a televised "press conference" Tuesday night. I believe this was his most consistent expression all evening...

Throughout the hour long telecast the president looked like he wanted to leap over the podium and shove the Blackberries of several journalists where the sun don't shine. It's not hard to tell when Obama doesn't like a question.

Gimboid question of the night: Ann Compton's question about race. With her 30 seconds on global television, where she could have asked any thoughtful, insightful question she wanted, Ms. Compton offered up this cheerful hairball of a question...

"Yours is a rather historic presidency, and I’m just wondering whether in any of the policy debates that you’ve had within the White House, the issue of race has come up, or whether it has in the way you feel you’ve been perceived by other leaders or by the American people. Or have the last 64 days been a relatively color- blind time?"

Uhh...WHAT?!? Even if he DID feel he was being treated differently because of his race...what is he supposed to say?

"Well uh Ann, you know, I have been a beaten down black man all my life and these hateful white bigots here in Washington are no different."

The question was about as out of place as a meditation manual at an ADHD convention.

Obama gave the question more of a response than it probably deserved.

4. Seriously...Jeter OVER Rollins? WTH?!? MAYBE the Jeter from seven years ago...MAYBE...but not the current, can't hit the broad side of a barn with his throw, burned out model...

Oh crap...she is coming back...

3. The silly name "Freedom Tower" is being dropped for the new skyscraper they are building at the World Trade Centre site. It will now be referred to as 'One World Trade Center'. That is much more befitting to the memory of the former towers than the moniker "Freedom Tower".

To me, "Freedom Tower" sounds like the place they lock you up when you waste the president's time with silly questions...

2. This isn't really news...I just love it when Met fans trash their sorry excuse for a major league baseball team. Disgruntled dude here.

Ahh...ha ha ha ha ha...

1. Neil Gaiman is going to be spending some quality time about 43 minutes from my house! Neil at the PEN World Voices Festival of International Literature.

I am SO THERE, planning to attend all three sessions with Mr. Gaiman. Will most definitely Twitter and Blog the experience. If you are anywhere near me and want to tag along...let me know.

There is the list for this week. Not a super exciting list. I am hoping for some real debate about Jimmy Rollins in the comment section. Come on Met fans...you know you want to...

THE WEEKEND QUESTION

I promised to stay away from all things privy for this week's question. This question is, I promise, much more intellectual and philosophical.

We have had some very spring like weather here in Delaware today, complete with showers and slowly rising temperatures. Walking into school this morning the sidewalk was sloppy with worms wriggling their way across the concrete. Several lay broken on the ground, crushed by the unforgiving steps of people trying to get inside quickly.

What thoughts enter their tiny worm brains that inspire them to beach themselves on the concrete? Twitter style (140 characters or less) take a stab at what they are thinking that causes them to do this. Contest is open until Sunday @ 5:00PM (EST). Winner will be announced...prize of supreme worth will be issued...come on...think like a worm...post entries in the comments.

I'm gonna go finish watching this Kansas-Michigan State game...(GO SPARTANS)

My Friday Top Ten Thoughts

Wanna begin a new feature here in the Hideaway. Random ten thoughts from the past week...


1. I am so sick and tired of hearing about the frigging "OCTO-MOM". What is the county's fascination with this head case?

2. Sixers closed out the Spectrum tonight. My favorite Spectrum memory? A Billy Joel concert in 1993. The Phils were in the series and Joel came out in a Phillies hat and screamed "F*** the Jays!" Place went bananas...

3. State testing sucks. Nuff said.

4. I am trying to get swept up in the World Baseball Classic...I really am...it's just not working. I do like the Team USA hat though...maybe in the later rounds...I think I am struggling with staring at Jeter's face for so long during the games and the retching feeling that accompanies it.

5. President Obama getting failing grades on MSNBC...wow...who da thunkit? Seems the Messiah is falible after all...Check the damage. Don't blame me...I voted for McCain.

6. Rumor has it that the Cards are looking to trade Anquan Boldin...I bet the Eagles will make a heavy push for him...and then I am going to sprout wings and fly to the moon...and for the record...I am STILL pissed about the Dawkins deal...spent the week pricing #20 Denver jerseys.

7. Onion article of the week...Obamas First 100 Days...it updates every day so keep checking back.

8. Bill Buchanan went out in a blaze of glory...RIP Bill...hated to see it happen but it was a good exit for the character.

9. Joe Biden stays relevant...ahem...uhh...yeah right...moving on...

10. Pat Burrell is a classy guy. I won't miss his legs (rotting corpses decay faster than he runs) but he gave his all in his nine years as a Philly. Thanks for the note Pat, and the memories.


Got any thoughts from the week or comments on mine? Please share in the comments section.